he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
