I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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