redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
