What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my shit smells like andre
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
