You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
