so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
