I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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