I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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