My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
only you would photoshop your dick
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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