Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
