She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
