Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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