You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
you had me at cake vodka
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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