So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
