were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
