out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
