I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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