Banned from zoo.
Again?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
