Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Randomize
