I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
