Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The adults are the big ones right?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
