You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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