Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Is it penis luge time yet?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
