I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
