i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Randomize
