I faked an abortion last night.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
