when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
