Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
