you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
