Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
