This girl is more easily done than said...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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