I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
