Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
FUCK WHALES
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
