All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
