lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
