You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
