I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
