I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
