Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
