I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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