I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
