wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
