Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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