My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
