I haven't been this sober since birth.
why do cheetos always look like penises
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
