driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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