I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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