1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
