Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
