it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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